One of the pioneers of Nollywood who starred in one of the first ever home videos has opened up about her life.
Nnenna Nwabueze–Okonta
Although her real name is Nnenna Nwabueze–Okonta, she is fondly
called Merit, following the visible role she played in that pioneering
Igbo movie, ‘Living in Bondage’.
This beautiful mother of six children disappeared from the screen
immediately after the film was released into the market in 1992.
She was married off, and her heartthrob, Chief Okonta, who died few
days to their 22nd wedding anniversary, on March 15, 2016, wouldn’t
want to lose her to another man. Hence, she disappeared from the screen
to solidify her marriage, and, after 20 years of building her marriage,
the husband allowed her to stage a comeback to her first love - acting,
in 2014.
In this encounter, ‘Merit’ recounts the sweet-bitter story of her
journey into marriage; the challenges of being a widow and what the
future holds for her and her children.
How the journey started
I met my husband for the first time on February 28, 1994. But on
March 12, we had our introduction party in Lagos, and on the 26th of the
same month, we did our traditional marriage in my village. The
popularity of the pioneering film, “Living in Bondage”, was all over the
place and people from all walks of life attended our traditional
marriage ceremony.
Between ‘Living in Bondage’ and my marriage
I got married after starring in ‘Living in Bondage’ which was
produced in 1992. But it wasn’t the film that actually opened the door
for many suitors to come after me. I was 23 years then, and I felt it
was time to get married. If I had not acted in the film, I would still
have gotten married because I was a beautiful woman. Honestly, I was not
crazy about those big guys who were coming for me after starring in the
movie.
Attraction to late husband
There was something about him I liked so much. He was a very strong
man with an imposing personality. He didn’t come to date me, rather he
came for marriage. I met him on the 28th of February, 1994. There was no
courtship. We just ran into each other, and he told me, ‘You are my
wife.’ Before I knew it, he was already in my village and the rest is
history. He was not after sleeping with me.
After he proposed
Of course, after he proposed to me, I had a second thought. But
something kept telling me he was the one that was meant for me. Then
some people were opposed to the marriage because he was not an Igboman.
They wanted me to marry an Igbo man, and I think my stubbornness was
part of the reasons I married him. I don’t regret it. I was dating
somebody then, but he wasn’t strong enough for me. I needed a man that
would have total control over me. The fear of hurting him would deter me
from doing certain things. I couldn’t have spend the rest of my life
with a “push over” or a man who is weak.
Being a tough woman
In our industry, we have had so many ‘big boys’ who are ready to
mess around with you. But if you are not careful and tough as a young
lady, you end up being a disgrace to yourself.
22 years after
We had our challenges. But the good times as well as the bad times
we had together made our marriage worthwhile. When we got married, we
faced a lot of challenges: cultural,emotional and personality
differences. But we were determined to make the marriage work. I miss
him so much.
Sacrificing acting career for marriage
Like I told you earlier, there was no courtship. So, after we got
married, I needed to know him better. That was when I realized he was a
very jealous and possessive person. He wanted me all to himself all the
time and, if I had not valued my relationship with my husband, I would
have had a broken home. As demanding as my job was then, I made a
decision to sacrifice it in order to build my marriage and I am not
regretting it. I would say I abandoned acting to solidify my marriage.
Returning to acting
When we were 20 years in marriage, he called me and said, ‘I know
you have this acting bug in you and, despite everything I have done for
you, you still want to go back to acting. Will it make you happy?’ I
said yes, and he replied, ‘You have my blessing…you can go back to
acting’.
Fond memories
While he was a well- to-do man, he took care of my children and I. He showered love on me and I felt secured in his arms.
Life without my husband
It has been very difficult. I miss him everyday, I cry every day.
Each time I attend a friend’s birthday, I remember how I used to
celebrate mine. I would cry endlessly. Whenever he was around, I dared
not stay outside anything after 6pm. He was sick for about six years and
finally gave up the ghost in March, this year.
Challenges of widowhood
My six children have their different ways of dealing with their
father’s demise, just as I have my own way of easing the pains of his
departure. I play the role of a father and a mother to them now. It has
not been easy for me.
What marriage has taught me
Marriage has taught me how to be patient and decent. It has also
taught me not to be selfish. It has equally taught me what it means to
be a wife, a daughter-in-law and a mother to my children. Marriage has
taught me how to be a good cook among others.
Remarry!
I don't know. I can't say yes or no. I am okay with my life and I
am not searching. For now, I am not thinking in that direction.
- Via Vanguard
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