Are
you preparing for an upcoming wedding? or making plans to get married
soon? You'll definitely find this article extremely helpful.
Sad wedding couple (Photo: Getty Images)
Many couples are so in love with the idea of having a fairytale
wedding that they forget to stop to discuss the actual marriage itself.
Yet, after the excitement of the wedding ceremonies, it will be time to
face a financial future together.
Financial problems can be the number one deterrent to a healthy
marriage. Don’t start your marriage off this way. Indeed, research shows
that financial concerns are one of the most common sources of friction,
tension, separation and even divorce, yet most couples go into marriage
without ever broaching this subject. It may not be romantic, but it is
terribly important. Here are some things to consider as you plan a
wedding:
How much will it cost?
A good first step, as you figure out how to afford an upcoming
wedding, is to determine the extent of your financial responsibility.
Start with a budget. Make a list of everything you can think of that you
will need for the ceremony, the reception, the venue, food, drinks,
rentals, flowers, photography, videographer, choir, organists,
musicians, décor, wedding planner, party favors, wedding dress, rings,
and all other attendant costs. Estimate what each item will cost. Refine
your budget as you get price quotes, and identify the things that are
most important. Small compromises can often add up to huge savings.
Some major factors influencing your costs are likely to be the
reception venue and the number of guests to attend. With what can be
endless costs, knocking one or two hundred people off your guest list
will save you a tidy sum. Inviting just the closest family and friends
can literally save you hundreds of thousands, even millions of naira. It
may leave you less popular though, but does that really matter? The key
is to prioritize.
Communication is key
Splitting the bill may appear to be a blessing, but when extensive
extended families are involved it can also be like the National Assembly
deliberating on the national budget! Those with the larger stake may
feel entitled to control the details. Communicate early and often with
your son or daughter and their fiancé to manage expectations. With a
good sense of what the couple wants you can be clear about how much you
are willing and able to contribute.
Who pays for what?
Tradition was not financially kind to the bride’s family who paid
the majority of the wedding costs (In some cultures) While this was
great for the bridegroom’s family, was a huge stress for the father of
the bride. How you decide to split the costs of your son’s or daughter’s
wedding, depends primarily on the financial standing of each family and
on the bride and groom themselves if they are earning. Circumstances
and common sense, not tradition should dictate who pays for what.
If your daughter is marrying a man who comes from a wealthy family,
your future in-laws may offer to foot most of the bill, or they might
pick up one or two of the big costs, such as the venue and drinks at the
reception, which can be huge. Maybe you have been saving money since
your precious daughter was born so that you could afford to give her a
dream wedding. If so, you may prefer to cover most of the expenses.
Don’t feel bad if you are the parent of the bride and can’t afford to
pay for the entire wedding. Very few people expect that anymore. Don’t
let your ego or pride come into play. If you can’t afford it, don’t
pretend that you can.
The best way to decide who will pay for what is for both families
and the couple to sit down together and have a frank discussion about
what each party can afford to contribute. Some people are terribly
uncomfortable discussing their finances in front of others, so handle
this with sensitivity. Separate meetings are sometimes necessary, but
it’s best if you can get everyone together at one time to brainstorm and
share information and finalize arrangements. If family A insists on
inviting 2,000 guests and Family B can only afford to fund 100, let
Family B pay for 1,900!
Nowadays with many couples waiting longer to get married and can
afford to foot some or all the expenses themselves, expenses shared
quite evenly. In a growing number of cases, the couple and both sets of
parents split the bill.
Parents, don’t jeopardise your retirement for your children’s wedding.
It is nice to always put your children first, but it is not
necessarily always a good thing. You cannot afford to sacrifice your
retirement to fund their weddings; you must always be able to take care
of your own needs. If you don’t take care of your retirement, there is
no guarantee that your children will be able or willing to take care of
you; it might be nice to move in with your children in your later years
for care, but not because you are broke. Your retirement planning, your
emergency fund, medical insurance are goals that must be a priority.
Till debt us do part
Some couples, or their families, decide they simply must pull out
all the stops for a wedding. They want nothing but the best, even if
they can’t afford to pay for it. To facilitate their dreams, they take
out wedding loans. Avoid going into debt for the wedding dress, the
wedding or the honeymoon. It is never wise to begin a marriage carrying
significant debt. But for parents who are up against time constraints,
borrowing sometimes makes more sense than selling assets. But if you do
have to borrow, it should be because there is an imminent inflow to
offset the loan. You don’t want to be paying interest to offset wedding
costs; that money would be put to far better use deployed in other
investments or in a retirement account.
The Rings
Although the rings are important, don’t spend more money on them
than you can reasonably afford. It’s completely ludicrous to spend
millions on a diamond ring to dazzle friends, when you don’t have the
money for rent or for a down payment on a house. A ring is a symbol of
marriage; focus on this and not the monetary value. For your fifth
anniversary, you can consider upgrading the ring if it is that
important.
Weddings can be overwhelming and expensive; Starting out with
millions of naira in debt is great stress for a newly married couple who
need to plan for a family and look for suitable housing. What matters
most is to start with a firm and solid foundation and build a future
together. Remember, you can have a beautiful memorable wedding without
breaking the bank.
About the Author:
Nimi Akinkugbe seeks to empower people regarding their finances and
offers frank, practical insights to create a greater awareness and
understanding of personal finance. Email; info@moneymatterswithnimi
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