An
interesting, educative and enlightening piece which examines the
suitable time for parents to teach their children about s*x and s*x
education.
Photo used for illustrative purposes only
Little Ebun Joseph (not real name) was given a rude introduction
into the meaning of s*x in the most unimaginable way. And it stemmed
from what was supposed to be a seemingly harmless question.
“Daddy, what is s*x?” The little girl asked one day after school.
The father, who is a clergy, hushed her up gently but firmly. He
told her she was not supposed to mention such a word in the house again.
The inquisitive little girl sulked up to her mother and asked the same
question. She got a similar response.
The next day, still unsatisfied by the answers given by her parents, Ebun asked her mother’s driver as he drove her to school.
“Uncle, what is s*x?”
In a moment of surprise, the driver’s mood was twisted by morbid
fascination. He warned her not to tell her parents what he was about to
teach her. The little girl innocently agreed. He decided to ‘show’ her
the meaning. He raped her. She was just six years old at the time. The
little girl was too scared to tell her parents. She went through that
ordeal until she was 15, without the knowledge of her parents.
Experts on s*x matters have warned about the dangers of parents shying away from discussing s*x with their children.
One of them is a child sexuality educator and relationship expert,
Mr. Praise Fowowe. He said there was danger in not empowering children
about s*x education during their impressionable years.
“This is because the strength of a sex predator is the
ignorance of a child. But once the child is adequately equipped with the
right, appropriate knowledge about s*x, it would then be impossible for
a predator to molest that child. Sex education, just like charity,
should start from the home,” Fowowe said.
According to Science Daily, s*x education “is a broad term used
to describe education about human sexual anatomy, sexual reproduction,
sexual intercourse, and other aspects of human sexual behaviour.”
Fowowe further explained that sex education for children must consider the well-being of a child. “This includes letting them aware of their body parts, and how they respond and react to things about their bodies,” he said.
Also, a counselling and developmental psychologist at the
Department of Counselling and Human Development Studies, University of
Ibadan, Oyo State, Prof. Ajibola Falaye, advised parents to introduce
sex education to children when they started to ask curious questions
about their bodies and the making of babies.
She stated, ‘‘From psychology, we know that some form of basic
s*x education should begin from between the ages of three to six. Some
children start having immature sex feelings at a young age.
"When children ask questions about anatomical differences in
gender, parents should be able to explain to them with straightforward
answers, and not muddled interpretation.
“You don’t have to give too many details to children about sex.
It should be said in a way that children can understand and
appreciate.”
However, s*x education remains a controversial issue, especially in
this clime where some, for religious leanings and fears, believe that
children, at whatever age, should not be taught about s*x or anything
remotely related to it.
A parenting counsellor and children life coach, Mr. Kingsley
Obom-Egbulem, said some people have kicked against teaching children
about the issues related to sex because of the word ‘s*x.’
He said, “Some people have been kicking against sex education
because they believe that when one uses the word s*x, one is actually
talking about sexual intercourse and not just the anatomy. But when it
comes to children, I believe parents should start telling their children
about their private body parts as from the age of one or two. This
would help the child to understand his or her body as he or she grows
up.”
Obom-Egbulem likened such basic s*x education to ‘arming children against abuse.”
He stated, “Sexual abuse is a real concern at that level. We
should draw a line between sex education and sexual intercourse. Parents
should help their children to become familiar and comfortable with
their body parts. For child rights activist, Mrs. Helen Oshikoya, sex
education should be taught at the appropriate time, from the puberty
ages between of 11 and 13.
Oshikoya however noted that sexual awareness should not be introduced earlier.
She said, “Children should be made to be aware of the basics
about their body parts. Also, one can inform them that if they are
touched inappropriately or gestures of sexual contents are made to them,
they should report such to their parents.”
Besides, Fowowe added that s*x education should begin at different stages.
He explained further: “There is what is called age
appropriation sexual education, The first stage can start when the child
is between 18 months and three years, the next stage is from ages three
to five; then five to eight, eight to 12, and from 13 to 18. At these
different stages, the children are taught different basics about sex and
values according to the age and maturity.’’
He also said, “The challenge is that when parents hear of
sexual education, they think it is connotes teaching them about
penetration sex. That is not even involved until the child is old
enough, at about 13 or 14. From the age of three for example, the child
needs to be taught about the body parts, and the proper names and
differences between private and public body parts and how to handle the
parts.
"For the younger ages, story-telling, role plays and songs are
good methods to use in teaching them basic sex education. From five
years upwards, the format changes, which includes, ‘fire on the
mountain’ – what children should avoid, and so on.”
Falaye said parents should take it as a responsibility to teach
their children basic sex education, and not leave it to others to teach
them. She noted that the lack of s*x education and awareness of the
issue had led to several problems plaguing children and society.
She said, “Experimentation in adolescence and peer influence
causes a lot of misguided sexual actions. That’s why there should be
mother-daughter, father-son communication on sex education, and let them
know the right information. Research has shown that when there is good
mother-daughter communication on s*x, the girl is wholesome as far as
s*x behaviour is concerned. It is the same with the father-son
relationship.”
On her part, Founder, Media Concern Initiative, Princess
Olufemi-Kayode, agreed with Falaye, adding that the best time to teach
s*x education should be immediately the child started inquiring about
it.
She said, ‘‘It is the best time to start teaching one’s child
about basic sex education also called sexuality or life skill education,
just like one tells children that they should stay away from fire and
the reasons why; because today’s children are more advanced and their
curiosity is more heightened.”
Olufemi-Kayode noted that parents should also get some needed education to give their kids better education on issues of s*x.
Fowowe also noted that it was needful for parents to begin giving
their children s*x education at an early age because of the rate of
sexual exposure from outside sources, including television, Internet and
from peers.
Also speaking, a parent, Mr. John Adewuyi, said it was proper to
teach children s*x education at early ages in order for them to be
empowered sexually as they advance in age. “This includes teaching them about their body parts and why daddy is different from mummy,” he said.
Another parent, Mrs. Ronke Johnson, who has three children, said
she would only start teaching her children about s*x before the age of
10. “But I will start earlier with my girls, because of the moral decadence in the society,” she said.
Credits: Punch
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