Different couples have shared their experiences on how sleeping together or apart can impact on marriages.
*Photo used for illustrative purpose*
A report by Sun UK
has revealed the advantages and disadvantages couples who share
different beds face and how negatively it impacts on their marriage.
DO couples that sleep together stay together?
Surprising research has found a whopping one in ten couples in the UK now sleep in separate beds.
While some of us might spend the odd night on the couch to avoid
our partner’s snoring, the trend for permanently sleeping apart is
growing.
So are different beds the key to a happy marriage or do regular nights apart destroy your relationship?
Here, JENNY FRANCIS asked four couples, two of whom sleep in the
same bed and two who don’t, to swap their arrangements for a week to see
how the new routines affect their relationships – and their sex lives.
‘I became detached and showed her less affection’
RECEPTIONIST Clare Matthew, 38, has been married to diver Rob, 35, for eight years.
The couple have always shared a bed and believe it means special time together without kids Sophie, seven, and Ben, six.
Clare, from Colchester, Essex, says: “We are a very tactile couple and our bedroom is out of bounds to the children.
“We go to bed at the same time every night and this is when we
have our little talks together about our day and anything we want to get
off our mind.
“I love falling asleep with Rob – it’s so comforting.”
Rob says: “Those moments before we go to sleep are really precious.
“I’ll often give Clare a back massage, and obviously this is
when one thing can lead to another and we get to be intimate with each
other. At the moment we only really have sex once a week, and I admit
I’d like it to be more.”
AFTER A WEEK OF SLEEPING APART:
SHE SAYS: “The first night I was unusually wide awake and
didn’t sleep well at all. By the following afternoon I was tired and
grumpy. I snapped at Rob over the smallest thing. I slept better the
following night but still didn’t feel rested in the morning.
“I noticed that during the day we were nowhere near as affectionate, as we had not had that time together in the evening.
“This week has left me feeling as though we’re like roommates.
Sex hasn’t happened either, I’ve been tired and not felt close enough to
him to initiate it.”
HE SAYS: “It’s not been good. The first night I couldn’t get to sleep for hours.
“I’ve been noticeably more detached from Clare and shown her less affection.
“I wouldn’t dare ask for sex – she’d bite my head off – so
we’ve had less intimacy as a result. This definitely wouldn’t improve
our marriage.”
‘Good to wake up next to him but sex life suffered’
LEYLA DJELASSI, 31, has slept in a different bed to her partner for nearly four years.
The business centre manager and her partner of five years, Roland
Cook, 38, a Tube driver, believe it is the secret to a happy
relationship.
Leyla, from Gravesend, Kent, says: “We have slept apart every night and think it has a positive impact on our relationship.
“We argue less when we’re not constantly waking each other up
all night. His snoring is absolutely awful and he gets so irritable in
bed.
“We’re both miserable when we have not had much sleep and it ends up affecting our sex life.”
Roland says: “We aren’t cuddly sleepers so not sharing a bed
suits me fine. It makes no difference to us as we don’t have any contact
while asleep anyway.”
AFTER SLEEPING TOGETHER FOR A WEEK:
SHE SAYS: “I’ve enjoyed sharing a bed together this week more
than I thought. He snored a few times but it was nice to wake up and
feel someone in the bed next to me. It can be lonely waking up on your
own.
“But we had more sex when we slept apart because that was our
intimate time together – this week we just swapped it for cuddles.”
HE SAYS: “I have to admit it has been nice to be sharing a bed again.
“Our sex life usually revolves around us planning time between shifts or when we are both around.
“We enjoy it in the day as we make time for it. It’s our special time together.
“Being more rested actually helps us get more in the mood for
sex. This week has made us closer, but our sex life has definitely
suffered.”
‘It made me feel closer to him during the day’
ANTHEA NASH and office worker husband Alfie, 38, have only spent a few nights apart during their ten-year relationship.
Nanny Anthea, 35, from Leyton, East London, believes it is this arrangement that leads to them having sex every other night.
Anthea, mum to Jordan, nine, says: “We have been together for
ten years and been married for nine. In that time we’ve only slept apart
for five nights. When he’s not there I just can’t sleep. We both love
falling asleep next to each other and it makes us feel closer.
“Our sex life is really good. We do it every other day apart from when I’m really tired.
“I love the fact we can have a chat in bed, have sex then fall asleep next to each other. It feels safe.”
Alfie says: “I’ve always enjoyed sleeping in bed with Anthea.
We’re a married couple so we think that’s normal and we’re quite
intimate so we wouldn’t have it any other way.”
AFTER SLEEPING IN SEPARATE BEDS:
SHE SAYS: “Without Alfie in bed with me I didn’t sleep well at
all. I admit I missed him so much at night it made me feel closer to him
during the day. We had sex every day during the day, instead of at
night, which was fun and exciting.
“We were definitely more touchy-feely in the day, too.”
HE SAYS: “Nights apart made me feel surprisingly closer to
Anthea during the day. We didn’t bicker at all because we didn’t want to
ruin the time we had together.
“The whole concept of absence making the heart grow fonder is definitely true.
“We had more sex, and during the day too, but I did miss sex before bed.”
‘At first it felt weird but it’s lovely having the contact’
ANNEMARIE KIERNAN, 33, a full-time mum, lives with her partner of ten years Martin Carey, 33, a carpenter.
The couple, from Kilburn, North West London, have not slept in the same bed for eight months.
Annemarie, mum to Kira, 12, Shane, ten, and seven-month-old Jack, says:
“Things changed when Jack was born. We agreed it might be better for
Martin to have a decent night’s sleep on the sofa bed. It was meant to
be temporary, but for more than half a year we’ve slept in separate
rooms.
“It stops us getting annoyed at each other. We have sex about
once a month, which isn’t ideal, but that’s because we are both tired,
not because we sleep in separate beds.”
Martin says: “We love each other but are not compatible in bed.
Annemarie is a heavy sleeper, while I wake at the slightest sound. We
used to have sex at least once a week. Now I’m lucky if it’s once a
month.”
AFTER A WEEK OF SLEEPING TOGETHER:
SHE SAYS: “On the first night of promising to sleep in the same
bed, Martin had a lads’ night out and got into bed with me at God knows
what hour.
“The next night we went to bed early. We started to get a bit
cuddly but just as the fireworks were about to go off, the baby woke. If
we kept sleeping in the same bed we’d have more regular sex.
“At first it felt weird having him in the bed but it’s been lovely having that contact."
HE SAYS: “It was lovely being next to her before sleep again.
Sleeping in the same bed is bringing us closer but we haven’t had any
more sex.”
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