If you have had the urge to cheat on your partner in times gone by, these are certain tips on how to resist the temptation.
Photo credit: Saturday Punch
Infidelity, which is the action of being unfaithful to a spouse, is probably as old as marriage itself.
In the past, people used to think men have an irreversible
reputation for being unfaithful, but studies have shown that women also
cheat on their husbands just as much.
However, the difference, according to studies, is that women are
more discreet when they cheat on their men and they are not likely to be
caught. And of course, they would not boast about it, unlike men, some
of who believe it elevates their status.
The havoc infidelity wreaks in homes can be huge, because it is
often seen as betrayal of trust, but findings have also shown that the
act is not always deliberate, which makes such persons to feel guilty
when caught, mainly because it could have been avoided. This is even
more important as it has been established that men hardly forgive their
cheating spouse.
Thus, here are tips to help couples overcome the temptation of cheating on their spouses:
Be open with your spouse: For people who are
genuinely not interested in extramarital affairs, experts say when they
start liking someone of the opposite sex, or when someone of the
opposite sex starts getting too close or sending questionable signals,
they should inform their spouse about it. This, they said, would put
them in check. A psychologist, Dr. Eze John Eze, said people should be
open to their partners about any fresh encounter or funny moves from
people of the opposite sex. “The best thing is to tell your partner
yourself, there is no need hiding it and don’t wait till they find out;
openness is very important,” he added. Also, a United States-based
philosopher, Dr. Mark White, said confiding in a partner that there is
such possibility lurking around the corner might be a difficult
strategy, but it helps. He said, “No one is saying it’s easy to admit to
your partner that you are tempted by (not merely attracted to) another
person, but if you feel yourself succumbing to the temptation, then it
is likely to hurt your partner one way or the other—but the pain will
certainly be less if you tell him or her when it’s just temptation and
not after it’s a fait accompli. Your partner may be hurt, of course, but
hopefully he or she will also be grateful that you felt comfortable
enough to be open about it rather than doing something that the
relationship could not survive.”
Keep away from that individual: One other way to
stay faithful to a partner is to avoid the source of the temptation (the
individual), because constant contact would likely increase the
pressure on the person’s resolve, which is usually, naturally limited.
Eze said, “Once you realise that you have a soft spot for someone of the
opposite sex, the best thing is to keep away as much as possible from
that individual.” Also, using an illustration, White said people in such
a situation should avoid such a person the same way alcoholics avoid
bars and dieters avoid bakeries. He added, “Unless you are a celebrity
or a politician, the source of temptation is usually one particular
person, which, in theory, should make it easier to avoid temptation. But
in reality, that person is likely someone who is hard to avoid, such as
a co-worker, customer, client, neighbour or friend. Nonetheless, do the
best you can to avoid them, especially in private, and don’t fool
yourself into thinking that you can be alone with this person if you
know in your heart that you can’t.”
Remind yourself of the consequences: Given the
common saying that betrayal of trust is hard to repair, perhaps one good
way married persons can overcome temptation to cheat on their spouse is
the harm it could to do to their partner, the relationship, their
children, image, sexual health – in terms of sexually transmitted
diseases – and even any child (in case) that could result from such a
relationship. White said, “Adulterers often fool themselves into
thinking that this time will be the only time, or the last time. This
could be true, of course, although unlikely. Consider that if you give
in to temptation this time, you are more likely to give in the next
time, and before you know it, you’ve established a pattern. But if you
anticipate that pattern from the beginning, and realise how bad the
consequences of it will be, you’ll be more likely to stop it before it
starts.”
Make sure you don’t start at all: No doubt, this
is already late for some people, but for those who have yet to start and
those who have stopped, experts have advised that it is better not to
start at all. White said, “This is often seen as the least satisfying
answer, but we underestimate our own power to resist temptation through
sheer force of will. Of course, our willpower is not limitless and it
can easily be exhausted by other mental or physical exertions.
Nonetheless it is possible to do in many cases, and when other, cleverer
methods for avoiding temptation are not available, it’ll be up to your
will—and you’d better have it.” He explained that there were many
lessons one could borrow from the literature on self-control, weakness
of will, and procrastination that might help the perpetually tempted yet
well-intentioned person stay faithful to his or her partner. “Just
remember that it’s natural to be tempted, and it’s human to be weak, but
it’s your responsibility, to yourself as well as your partner, to
resist that temptation,” he added.
Talk to a trusted friend: Findings have shown that
talking to a friend, counsellor, religious leader, or anyone who knows
better could help. This is because they could have passed through such
or they could know a better way to deal with it, and this should be done
before ‘anything’ happens and not after, because once it has happened
before, it might happen again. White said, “Find someone you can be open
with and who understands why you are tempted, and he or she may be
available to talk you out of it,” he said, adding that giving the person
updates on improvements could also help. “Social support and pressure,
whether from friends or strangers, can be enormously helpful in fighting
temptation,” he added.
Confide in your partner if ‘anything’ happens:
This might be a hard step to take, especially with the usual feeling
that such things are better kept in the secret. But, according to
experts, this could be dangerous, because not only would it give the
person the freedom to do it again, since no one found out about the last
one, but also that it would be more difficult to deal with if the
partner finds out on their own. Eze said, “The best thing in this case
is to confide in a partner immediately, instead of hiding it, because
the more you hide it and if he or she is the type that wants to
blackmail you, once that person realises you are hiding it, the person
might keep pressurising you for more. But once the person knows that
your partner is aware, they might no longer be on your neck.” When asked
if it would not be ‘suicidal’ telling a partner of an illicit affair,
Eze said even though it might seem like the person might not be able to
accommodate it, that it is better. “Not that the person won’t be angry
at the initial moment, but it is easier for the person to adjust than to
find out on their own; the worst thing is to keep hiding it,” he added.
Meet such persons in the open: Beyond avoiding the
person, people who are having soft spot for an opposite sex are also
advised not to meet with them in lonely places. Eze said, “If it’s
unnecessary, avoid meeting with the person where something might happen.
For example, let us assume that a co-worker is supposed to meet with
the individual in a hotel, he could go with the wife. If the person
knows that the partner is around, she’s more likely to be more
restrained. It’s not a guarantee that the person would not attempt it,
but the person would be restrained.” He said if the person on the other
side is the one showing interest, going to such a meeting with a spouse
could show the person that there is a commitment to the partner, which
could deter such a person.
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Source: Saturday Punch
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